Goodbye Joe
I miss Joe (right, wearing #36). We were just texting about how stupid the Eagles were to trade away the 6th pick in the draft. He left this earth just days later. The amount of sorrow and pain I feel is impossible to explain. I’ve shed a lot of tears this week, and try to hide them when the kids come around.
I met Joe at Penn in the summer of 96 or 97. It was some god awful M-F 8:30am Physics class we had to take as engineering students. For 12 weeks. It sucked. But Joe and I needed lab partners, so we teamed up. He always wore Eagles jerseys to class, so I liked him already. I found out that we were both Comp Sci majors. We also loved video games. We’d play NHL on his Playstation in his apartment he had with his brother Sal on Chestnut St. Fans on full blast because summer in Philly can be brutal.
Once fall started he joined the Comp Sci study group we had. It was Ari, Arian, Evan, Joe and myself. We soon learned that Joe was a goddamn genius. Literally a genius. Maybe the top or in the top two programmers I’ve known in my whole life. And I’ve known a lot, me and Joe are both 43 now.
I thought, “Man, that’s crazy Joe. How the hell did you figure out that insane programming problem or some crazy problem set about regular expressions and push-pop automata.” To this day, I have no idea really what they are. But Joe knew. He knew it all COLD. That’s how the nickname Krazy Joe was born. Because he was crazy smart. Soon we’d just call him Krazy for short. He was cool with it too. For my 20th bday, he wrote me a card, and signed it “Krazy Joe”.
He was so humble and modest. It took many months, even years to know of his accomplishments. We found out that he was actually a double major, Management & Technology or M&T for short. This was an extremely prestigious, selective program, getting an Engineering degree AND a Wharton degree. In 4 years. But none of these classes were a match for Joe. I never heard him struggle in any of them. We also learned, because he was one of the top 1 or 2 students at West Catholic High in West Philly, he had received a FULL SCHOLARSHIP to the M&T program. Krazy, right?
But he was never a show off. He was never arrogant. He was always humble about his smarts. And there to help us out when we didn’t understand stuff we were learning. It was just such an odd mix to find someone that smart, but so humble and kind and thoughtful at the same time. That’s why it tears me up so much that God has taken him away.
Often after classes, we’d go to Houston Hall, an area under College Hall at Penn that had fast food restaurants, a place to get your hair cut, and most importantly, an arcade. Sure, it had Street Fighter and X-men fighting games, but what was most important to me and Joe, was the pinball machines. That was another thing that Joe and I both loved. Now, a lot of people love Playstation and Nintendo, but much less folks our age really liked pinball. But Joe and I loved it. We loved playing Medieval Madness there (Attack From Mars was another favorite of ours). We’d take turns playing, always rooting for each other. You basically were assaulting a castle with the pinballs, and aim at the front gate or the walls on the side. Troll heads would pop up in the middle of the play field and you’d try to hit them as often as you can within the time limit. We had a blast playing. I showed Joe the trick I learned when the ball goes down the far right alley, which usually means the ball is done. But as it travels down towards the center hole, and if you hold the left flipper up, you can slam the machine right, and sometimes, sometimes, the ball would bounce against the left gutter wall and bounce back UP into the play field, and the ball was saved. Joe always thought that was crazy when I pulled it off.
For years after, we talked about meeting up in Vegas to go to the Pinball Hall of Fame. We could easily spend an entire day there. I’m always going to regret not being able to do that with Joe.
The 5 of us were a great crew, spending tons of time in the computer labs, or studying together at I think McClellan Hall in the Quad. Eventually as seniors, Joe and I paired up for our Senior Project. I was determined to get into the video game industry, so I thought, let’s make a video game to show companies what we can do. We thought, wouldn’t it be fun if the game WAS ABOUT graduating from the Engineering school? And that’s how “A Boy and His CSE Degree” was born. It was an old school, Legend of Zelda-type game where you roamed the engineering school, seeking out your Comp Sci professors who you must ‘defeat’ in order to win the game and get your degree. Those late nights, working at the computer lab was the best, most fun game development experience I’ve had in my entire life (and I’ve been in gaming for over 20 years now). Just pure fun, pure creativity, pure joy. It got me really excited about making games someday. Joe figured out a way to ‘shift’ the screen just like it did in Zelda for the NES when you got to an edge of the screen. I did a lot of the art. 2D sprites. Professor Gallier always talked about wine in class, so we had him guzzling a bottle of wine, over and over, as you tried to defeat him. We cracked up when we created the bathroom, complete with kid in a stall, with only his pants around his ankles as what you could see. I even think we put pee on the ground, because hey, college. I’ve never had more fun making games than those weeks we spent together working on it.
Armed with our game on dozens of (gasp!) CDs, we traveled to the Game Developers Conference in San Francisco in March 1999, looking for our first video game jobs. His friend Terry’s mother worked for Delta I think. She was able to get us free or super cheap flights, but they had to be stand-by tickets. Going to SF, it was no problem. Got on the first flight and it was great! But after a great few days at the conference and checking out SF, it was time to fly back. Unfortunately, it was also spring break time, so flights were full. Flight after flight, we got bounced. The whole day and night went by, with no way home to Philly. Not knowing what to do, and hoping to catch the 1st flight out, we slept on the floor at SFO. It sucked. They have no benches at all to sleep on, so really, you HAVE to sleep on the floor. I remember having to put my head underneath seats so it blocked the ceiling light going into my eyes. So imagine us, sleeping, on the ground, heads underneath seats, bodies coming out into the hall. That must have been a funny sight. The next day, same thing, bounced all day and night. But we HAD to get a hotel room, a second night on the floor at SFO was just too much to deal with. Fortunately, at some point the next day we DID get on a flight. We yelled “YES!!” so loudly when they announced our names, people were like, “What is up with them!?” We made it home okay but yes, it was quite the adventure to the west coast.
To our surprise, we ended up winning the Best Computer Graphics award. But the award itself wasn’t the best part. It was the senior awards dinner that we got invited to, and the fact that we could invite our families too. So our parents got to meet for the first time, and the Vanores were so nice. I think his brother and 2 sisters came, and I got that first sense of how tight and loving and kind the Vanores were. Our families beamed with pride that night, and it marked the beginning of the closeness the families would enjoy to this day.
Joe was always there at the biggest moments in my life, even though I spent a lot of time away from Philly after graduation. He wanted to stay close. He had his big, wonderful, loving family in the area, and definitely wanted to be close to them (he was one of 8 kids). I always remember him taking me out for my 21st birthday after our junior year, even though it was on a Tuesday or Wednesday. He brought a buddy, we went downtown and had a blast. I remember he got me a drink called a Mind Eraser. And true to its name, I don’t remember a damn thing that happened after I shot it. The next day I had to go to my internship since it was July. That was definitely the worst hangover I had ever had. But damn, was it fun. And Joe was there.
That following weekend for my birthday, my family treated all my college friends to Korean BBQ at a place in Cheltenham. My dad was friends with the owner. We feasted and feasted, bursting at the seams. Actually, I remember everyone rushing to the bathrooms at our place on 40th St as soon as we all got back! That day I learned that Joe LOVED Korean friend dumplings, called ‘Mahn-doo’ in Korean. I’d always try to get him some when we met up in Philly.
Even though I was all over the country, we talked every year about the Birds. How would they do this year? Who are the players to watch? Can McNabb or Vick or Wentz bring us to the promised land? That same level of analysis he used as an engineer, he brought that to football. Looking at stats, watching players closely, seeing things most folks just don’t see. We talked a lot about fantasy football too, were in leagues together for a bunch of years, were always supportive of each other and never got into nasty trash talking that a lot of guys get into. Eventually he got into daily fantasy, and skipped leagues, but we still talked football every year. He’d tell me about his crazy 10-game parlays. I’d ask him if it’s finally time to start Leonard Fournette in a game this past year.
But despite the distance, he was always there for important moments. I got married in LA, but had a small Philly reception later that year, since we had so much family and church friends that couldn’t make the trip to LA. Of course we invited Joe and his family. His brother Johnny and his mother came. She was always so nice to me, and treated me with kindness and love. She would always make her famous pepperoni gravy when I visited their house (still the best homemade pasta and sauce I’ve ever had in my life). I can still see her looking so content and happy at Stephanie and I as we sat up front at the wedding table. Just the most peaceful smile across her face. After the reception, all my friends wanted to go celebrate at a bar. But Johnny needed to take his Mrs. Vanore back home first. So, given we were at a Korean restaurant, they had a karaoke machine. So we fired that up and started singing. That was yet another thing Joe and I had in common — he LOVED karaoke, and sang very well. I remember he sang “Let Her Cry” by Hootie and the Blowfish. He nailed it with that baritone singing voice he had. “Let her crrrryyyyyyyy…..” It was really good.
Once Johnny came back about 10 of us or so went to a local bar near the restaurant. We all got hammered. But ever the big-hearted family the Vanores were, Johnny and Joe drove Steph and I all the way back home, even though it made their trip home super long, and probably didn’t get home ’til past 3am. But that’s how Joe and his family were, always looking out for their friends, and making sure they were taken care of. I remember that I was so drunk that I wiped out going up the grassy hill at my parents house, and ruined the fancy white dress shirt I wore for the reception. Not sure if Joe and Johnny saw that, but I’m sure they thought it was hilarious if they did.
That was in 2012. I probably only saw Joe once or twice over the next few years as I was in California. We talked a lot then, as I was starting my gaming startup, and Joe worked on the logic for the video poker game we released on Facebook. Thinking up the math for games like that, and slots, that was fun for Joe. That was the type of mind he had. He still had his full time job though and I was full time on my startup, so he continued to help on the hardest problems, but was more comfortable with the stability his company provided. I had no issue with that. But what would bring us together in 2018 wasn’t work or programming, it was the Eagles. It was about bleeding green.
That season, the Eagles were on fire. Wentz was headed towards an MVP award, and the Birds were like 12 and 2. I remember talking with Joe, “Birds are going to make a deep playoff run this year.” I said I would love to go to a home playoff game if that was going to happen. He reminded me, “You know me and [his brother] Sal have 3 seats as season ticket holders if they get into the playoffs right?” I was like “Oh Shit!” So he said something like, “If you’re crazy enough to buy a flight from SF to Philly before we even know they’re going to host the NFC Championship game, I’ll give you one of the tickets.” I was like, “Deal.”
So before the Eagles even beat the Atlanta Falcons to host the NFC Championship game, I bought tickets to Philly. His sister Gina had a house right on Broad St near the stadium, so they told me I could park at her house (prime real estate), come in for a beer, and then we’d walk to the game together.
We went early to watch the AFC title game outside of the Xfinity center. Nothing but Eagles fans, it was so much fun. The Pats got some ticky-tack Pass Interference call in the end zone right before halftime. I can still remember Sal saying “The fix is ON!” Joe and I laughed and nodded in agreement.
Walking into the stadium was a sight. It was literally a sea of green. I took some videos. It was just incredible to see, tens of thousands of Eagles fans, ready to pave our way to the Super Bowl.
But the game started poorly. I think on the Vikings first possession they went down the field and scored a TD to their tight end. I was sitting in between Sal and Joe. I remember Joe saying, “Mmmmm, that’s not good.”
But it turned out, the Birds just needed one play to turn the tide, to get momentum moving in the right way. And we got it. On their 20 or so, the Vikings QB Case Keenum was pressured heavily, he put up a bad throw. One of the Eagles defensive backs picked it off. The entire stadium erupted. He started left, but kept on cutting against the grain to the right. He was picking up key blocks all along the way. And eventually, he ran it back for a pick-six in the very right edge of the end zone. The momentum had shifted. It was hysteria. High-fiving Sal, Joe, total strangers, it didn’t matter, we felt that things had turned. And we were right.
The Birds just kept on scoring touchdown after touchdown. And mind you, the Vikings had the “best” defense in the league that year. But with Foles throwing deep accurate bombs, and Lagarrette Blount pounding Vikings into the end zone, the Vikings D was shredded.
We sat high midway up, but close to the 50. We were right above an entrance, so we had no one in front of us, so it was a great view of the whole field. I can still remember Foles dropping back, around his own 40, throwing a deep bomb down the right sideline. And I saw that Alshon Jeffery was free from his defender. The only question was if he could get to the football. I remember standing up, hitting Joe on the shoulder, yelling “ALSHON’S OPEN! GET UNDER IT ALSHON!! GET UNDER IT!!”
And he did. He caught the bomb for a huge TD that extended the lead I think into double digits. Me, Sal and Joe were all hugging and yelling and so damn excited. And mind you, I’m not a big hugger. But for this. This incredible moment, it was all hugs and joy. All over the stadium actually. The picture at the top was from this game.
So the Eagles ended up winning convincingly. We were all on cloud nine. People were cheering “WE WANT BRADY!! <Clap> <Clap> <Clap, Clap, Clap>” as they happily filed out of the seats and to the exits. But Joe, Joe just wanted to stay. He just wanted to soak it all in. I can still see him there, standing to my left, just enjoying the vibe, with a smile on his face, relishing in the fact that the Birds were going to the Super Bowl, and we were there when they paved their way there (Joe was actually the only person I called after we beat the Pats in the Super Bowl, just party time on both ends of the call!). So I got it, I figured it out. No need to rush. Let’s just enjoy the moment, because who knows when moments like that happen again.
So again, Joe was there at an unforgettable time in my life. My peak sporting experience ever, I got to share it with Joe and his brother Sal, because of their generosity to invite me to that game.
And really, generosity was what Joe was all about. On a number of occasions, at say one of those late night diners sprinkled all over the Philly area, Joe would just tip $100 on top of the bill. Just to be nice. He wasn’t trying to pick up a girl or anything like that, he just wanted to be nice. I did hear of one occasion though where a waitress did give him a huge hug as she was shocked that someone would tip her that much. I’m sure Joe didn’t mind that! And keep in mind, this is Joe in the early days of work. He’s not quite rolling in dough (and really, who is in their 20s?), he’s just being Joe.
And you can’t forget the Christmas presents. He would give every niece, nephew and godchild of his a present every Christmas. And keep in mind, he has 7 siblings that had 2–3 kids each! So that’s definitely dozens of presents. But what I learned this past weekend was that Joe just didn’t give presents, he always got super thoughtful gifts because he always observed what his family needed or wanted. The family loved Uncle Joe. He was just so generous.
I even heard a story of one niece who always ‘pushed the bounds’ of how pricey a present was, asking for guitars and bikes. But Joe always got it. He never once said it was too expensive or made some excuse. That was the kind of guy Joe was. I think for that same niece Joe fronted the money for a year of tuition so she could attend school and get him back later. It’s just shocking how kind-hearted Joe was.
And that’s why it hurts so, so, so much to know that Joe has passed on. As his brother Sal said so perfectly in a wonderful eulogy, Joe was just the best. He was just the best. There’s not a damn thing you can fault him about. He was just an amazing friend. You know, with friends and family of yours, you love them to death, but there’s always just one thing about them that drives you a little crazy. But with Joe, there’s nothing like that. I never saw him mean-spirited. I never heard him say a bad or mean thing about anyone. I never saw him get angry at anyone. He was just a kind, good person.
At the funeral mass, I drew some solace from the priest’s words. He said, readiness for Heaven isn’t measured in years. It’s measured in the purity of heart, and the ability to love your brothers and sisters unconditionally. And it made sense to me that someone with a heart like Joe would already be accepted at the Gates of Heaven. He didn’t need 40 more years to grow more loving or kind. Joe’s been there for a long, long time. Certainly when I first met him in that summer physics class more than 20 years ago.
When I heard that Joe had passed, I sent flowers with a note to Mrs. Vanore, as I knew her grieving must be tremendously painful. It took me a long time to say the right words in that limited space, but I want to end with the words that I wrote there:
We met Joe as a genius. But we remember him for his heart.
Rest in loving peace, Joe. We’ll always remember you.
-Kahn
